NEGATIVE

On Pins & Needles?

What's another saying for this because I've already literally been on pins and needles...Feel I need something else to explain this waiting period!

My blood is in the lab and I'm just waiting.  The nurse is calling Brad with the results so I don't have to be jumping every time the phone rings.  I think he's planning to come home and tell me whatever it is...

I told Betsy and Dr. Hines that I took a home test and they said they hoped it was wrong- so I guess that's a possibility although I am definitely not counting on it...

So what do you do while you wait?  Febreze the whole house of course!  There's something about spraying Febreze- it's kinda like you're cleaning but without the scrubbing, etc.  I have walked over the whole house spraying- rugs, carpet, drapes, shower curtains, pillows...  I am almost out of Febreze and I'm blogging because I can't sit on the furniture because it's wet.  I may be driven to do laundry.

Let you know something later...

The Waiting...

...is definitely the hardest part.  (You are so wise, Tom Petty.) (You must have had IVF before you wrote that song...)  Thankfully, we are now only 24 hours away from knowing the outcome...maybe less!  I will go in at 8:30 tomorrow morning and give some of my blood...

I am planning to ask what our next steps will be either way so I can go ahead and start to wrap my brain around what will be next on this crazy adventure.  

I calculated last night that by the time we learn the results, I will have had 58 shots since April 2. Make that 59 counting the blood they will draw tomorrow... I can definitely say I have no fear of needles.  (Oh, plus accupunture- I can't even begin to count all of those needles- I'd say 15-30 each visit...!)

The past week has been OK for the most part.  I am starting to feel a little more normal- my Grimace stomach is starting to deflate a little although the progesterone is making me crazy hungry!

Brad is still doing great with the shots- tonight may be our last shot (if result is negative), but if it's positive he'll get to give me at least 60 more...(until 10 weeks of pregnancy).

OK.....

I'm gonna be honest here...I took a home pregnancy test this morning and it was negative.  So, please know that I am prepared for that to be the answer.  I have had trouble with home tests in the past and it may be to early and all that, but it was clearly negative.  It didn't even tease me for a second.  

One thing that I learned from seeing that minus sign was that I didn't really realize how much I truly believed this could work.  I thought I was pretty guarded and "cautiously optimistic" but I was actually a little surprised it wasn't positive!  I mean we put not one, but two completely developed blastocysts in there-- they are well on their way to being a baby...how can it not work, right?  Well, stats say it only works 40-50% of the time and as Dr. Hines told us from the beginning- it will either be 0 or 100% for us.  

I am prepared to be the 0% tomorrow.  (As prepared as I can be.)  I am actually glad I cheated and took the home test- I think it may have softened the blow for me a bit.  

It's not over.  We do still have one little popsicle blastocyst in the freezer and will definitely go ahead and do another transfer- supposedly it's not as bad as all these shots, etc...  But after that, I believe we will start praying that there truly is a stork out there somewhere... (I think he may live next door to the Tooth Fairy.) 

Thanks again for reading and praying and loving us.  Will let you know the definite result tomorrow as soon as possible.

Cautiously Optimistic- is this an oxymoron?

It's now been about 24 hours since our transfer- I am still in my pj's and resting...it's a rainy day so I don't feel so guilty about lounging around...

The transfer went very well. It was uncomfortable but not painful. At the time of transfer we had 4 blastocysts that had kept growing since the last report. They had chosen the best 2 for transfer- one was good quality and the other was OK. The remaining 2 they watched through the afternoon (because they were not looking too good) and then called this morning to let me know that one was "freezable."

I won't get into the gory details of the transfer but we did get to watch on a sonogram screen- we saw that I do have some signs of hyperstimulation- very enlarged ovaries- they are pushing on everything including my uterus (and bladder- I have to use the restroom VERY frequently). I have some fluid in the area but nothing to be alarmed about. My uterus looked good and once the doctor had his route mapped out he called for the lab...she came in with a loaded catheter and within minutes we saw a flash of white on the screen in my uterus- they were in there!

The lady from the lab took the catheter to make sure that both were missing from the tube (apparently sometimes one tries to stay in) and minutes later she gave us the OK that both were indeed in their new home...

We talked with Dr. Hines a few minutes about how things seemed to turn from going so well to having just a few embryos left and about the quality...He said that it may indicate that there is a problem and that may be why we have had so much trouble up to this point...He said not to worry about it for now, just to be hopeful for these 2 we put in.

Well, that's kinda like saying here's some really discouraging news but I need you to be positive even though I just admitted there may not be a reason to be...kind of impossible not to worry about- especially when this is the final step in the infertility process...

Anyway, I'm not sure what I expected to feel like after the transfer, but it was emotional and hard to be excited and hopeful like I was before the procedure. Definitely a lot more pressure on the little blasts that are in there right now!!! Brad stayed home with me all afternoon- we rested and read and just had a lazy day. Mom came and fed us and we both slept well last night- relieved that the final step is complete.

I will continue progesterone shots at least until next Tuesday when we go in for a blood test for pregnancy. If it is negative, I stop shots and wait for my period and if it is positive we'll continue shots until 10 weeks of pregnancy and of course be out of our minds happy.

I will be honest and admit that I am bracing myself. "Cautiously optimistic" is what Dr. Hines has told us to be- I am probably erring toward cautious after the report on the progress and quality of the blastocysts...

You have all been so supportive and positive over the past 6 weeks and we thank you for that. I will post our results as soon as I feel ready to- please understand if we are not answering phone calls and texts that day- either outcome, I think we'll need a little time to let it absorb.

Again, thank you for everything and please continue to pray for the little blasts in my uterus- I am talking to them and telling them all the great people who already love them so much---- if they will just grab on!

It's the FINAL COUNTDOWN...

This time tomorrow I will be housing 2 little blastocysts in my uterus! Yippee!

Our report for the day came around 9:30 this morning. Betsy called asked how I was feeling - I was like "yea, yea bloated, sore, fine- tell me the news." She said "Are you ready for the update?" and my heart sank--- they really should think through how they say even the little things! Anyway, the report was great- we have 2 embryos that are 8-10 cells and are "ok" quality. We will give them another day...Then, we have 6 embryos that are good quality and are in a sort of pre-blastocyst stage so they should be ready for tomorrow! We have set transfer for 1:30 p.m. and will put 2 of the "best" quality embryos in- this has to do with the measurement of the cells, etc. I don't understand it all...

I am SO ready! This is the last step and also the scariest. They will either attach or not. There is nothing we can do- just PRAY! They have all behaved so nicely I want to believe they will keep up the good work! I think we are both very guarded at this point- Brad maybe too much. I am hoping that we can stay positive for the next week and deal with whatever results we get then! At least it looks like we will have a few to freeze for future transfers so I won't have to do all those stimulating drugs again...so there's the silver lining if the news is not what we hope for...

I am prepared for at least 24 hours of bed rest. Our doctor doesn't require it, but I have read a lot about it- mixed opinions, I just feel like it can't hurt...So, I've been to Barnes & Noble- got five books and Nancy brought me 3 movies...I should be covered. (This is what it takes to keep a busybody busy!) (and my mind off babies as much as possible) (impossible)

So pray specifically that we will still have plenty of healthy embryos to choose from tomorrow, that Dr. Hines will have a nice steady catheter and not upset my uterine lining and that our little blasts will grab with all their might and make a cozy home in my womb! (We have been joking about giving them nice accommodations with their own pool to live in and a 9 month lease! Who wouldn't want to live there!?) Anyway, Dr. Hines says to hope for a singleton, but let's pray for them both...

Tomorrow shouldn't be bad- I've actually had a test run of this procedure and done it once as an insemination- I'm an old pro at this one! Should be up to blogging- will do so from bed...

PRAY!

p.s. Added a link about embryo transfer if you want to know what we'll be up to tomorrow!

Misusing Medical Vocabulary & Eating Cheese Dip in Bed

Morula Stage...It just sounds ominous doesn't it? Day 4 for embryos is called morula stage (or "minerva stage" as Brad explained to me after retrieval...) If you want to learn more about the stages follow the link I have posted on the right hand side of this page---- this website has been a great resource for us! We don't get a call today because apparently the embryos don't like to be looked at on day 4- they are busy trying to become BLASTOCYSTS!!!!

Blastocyst has become a very popular word in our house...We use it in all kinds of scenarios- when you stub your toe, you scream "BLASTOCYST!" When you are petting the dog, you say "You're such a sweet little blastocyst..." etc., etc. Please feel free to try to use the word blastocyst in a sentence today- completely out of the context of what it really is, of course! I guess it's just our way of admitting it's consuming our minds without having to talk about it seriously! (Look at me analyzing myself... isn't that just blastocystic?) (it really is a great word, isn't it?!)

Anyway, I am still much more comfortable when I am lying down- that retrieval was a little tougher than they prepped us for (probably a good strategy on their part). So me and Gracie and Rudder are getting lots of quality time together laying in the bed drinking G2, reading and playing ridiculous amounts of solitaire on my iPhone. If I don't change out of my pajamas today I think Brad is going to disown me. My favorite quote from when he picked up Mexican for us last night (sweet hubby, huh?) was "You cannot eat cheese dip in the bed!" (He knows that I indeed can and would if allowed...apparently we have decided to at least pretend we are adults these days...) (Blastocyst!)

So, on Thursday night we began progesterone shots. Yes, that means I had one day off of shots, one day of a not so comfortable retrieval and then shots again...These shots however are not subcutaneous. (See, I do know other words besides blastocyst...) (Oh- subcutaneous are like the ones in my tummy or you can do them in your leg...) These shots are IM- intramuscular- meaning you have to have someone stab them into the muscle in your rear end (the upper outer quadrant, to be exact). Well, as you know, sweet Sharon Brown did my trigger shot (IM) for me and then did Thursday and Friday nights of the progesterone shots. Brad had pointed out that I am going to have to have these shots for some time so we better learn how to do them ourselves! I am saddened by this because Sharon is such a great shot giver- she is quick and I barely even felt the huge needle! (I am also comforted by the fact that if I pass out she will know what to do with me!) But I know Brad is right, we must learn to shoot up, just the 2 of us....

So last night I realize the hour had arrived and I start to see if I could give it to myself- you know, looking in the rear view mirror (pun intended- you're welcome). When I start to think it may not be that good of an idea, I go in the kitchen and make brownies (because what else do you want to do after looking at your own huge rear end?) So then I call sweetly up the stairs that it is time for my shot. He runs down a little too eagerly and I know that this is going to hurt. Remember, this is the man who was telling me that I just had to "commit" and get it in there! This is a through and through BULL IN A CHINA SHOP. So we get everything together and I am reminding him that he doesn't have to get it far in- just in ENOUGH...I lean against the counter and he is taking a minute (think he's trying to sneak up on me- he thinks this is a good strategy) Then he tries to start asking me a questions about something else (another strategy) and I say just do it. And he does. And I scream "BLASTOCYST!" No, I didn't, but that would have been funny. I just tried to keep breathing and was telling him to quit wiggling it around and pushing the progesterone in so hard!!!!

You see, the progesterone is in oil which makes for a very thick shot and a very large needle. The small 1 inch needles that I once feared would puncture all my internal organs are now just sweet, sweet memories... I am starting to think that at this stage in the process they are just messing with me, testing my commitment because I know there are other ways to take progesterone... I'm imagining them saying, "Hey let's fill some little vials with vegetable oil, charge them $70 for them and give them some huge needles to inject it with- at home! In her rear end! Every night for at least 3 weeks!" Insert evil laugh here.

No, actually after it was over it was fine. Brad did a good job and didn't pass out himself. I shared my brownies with him and asked him sweetly to not do it quite so hard tomorrow...we'll see how it goes.

Let you know tomorrow about the embryos- pray hard tonight that we have several blastocysts. We have read that between day 3 and day 5 some will arrest (stop growing). We just pray that as many as are able will thrive! We will know tomorrow about transfer details...PLEASE pray!

@ 72 hours...

YIPPEE! They are all still growing!

Today we have 5(!) 8 cells, 1 6 cell, 1 5 cell and 1 4 cell...right on track- we wanted them to be between 4 and 8 today and they all are!

More later- gotta teach some piano!

@ 48 hours...

So our update yesterday was:

5 embryos at 2 cells
1 at 3 cells
1 at 4 cells
1 at 5 cells

This is great news- they all grew! This is their measure at 48 hours after retrieval. At 48 hours, they want them to be between 2 and 4 cells and they all were! I have been joking that the 5 cell is our little over achiever- Mom said it must be the next Liberace- I think may be a little president!

Waiting for the 72 hour update right now...let you know in a bit!

Golden Retrieval!

So I'll start with the most current news first and then recap the "excitement" of retrieval day...

Just found out that we have 8 eggs that are fertilized! We will be watching these over the next few days to see how they develop and then we'll transfer 2!

Here's how it all started...

Wednesday morning 7:30 a.m.: I swallow my Valium with 1 sip of water (all I've been allowed since midnight the night before) and wonder aloud "will this really do anything?"

7:45 a.m.: Starting to feel a little relaxed we arrive at UMC and head back to the lab. I am weighed and led to the retrieval room (which I am instantly glad that I had declined a tour of before today- it would have most certainly starred in a nightmare or two) I suit up in a lovely mint green gown and hop into the gynocological equivalent of a Lazy Boy (no stirrups but knee holders instead, sorry for the visual). Brad is looking around and asking for the screen to watch- he doesn't want to miss this! I am starting to feel GROOVY as I am getting an IV poked in my arm. Oh, and they cranked up some Van Morrison. I swear, I'm not making this up- I was still coherent at this point.

8:15ish: Dr. Hines and young doctor enter- young doctor turns out to be my pain med dealer. He gives me a hit and I am feeling awesome. (Brad says I kept telling young doctor that I like him.) Screen is wheeled in and I vaguely remember getting a glimpse of one of my ovaries and the black circles (follicles) that could be holding eggs! Then they begin. Dr. Hines tells me that I will feel some Lydocane that he is inserting. He is not lying- it hurts bad so I just go under for a bit...Then I start feeling the action and watch the screen as they insert a needle (I am saying this nicely- Brad says they were just stabbing away) into my ovaries and start sucking out (aspirating if you want a pretty word) follicular fluid. It's running into tubes which they disconnect and pass through a little door in the wall into the lab. The whole procedure lasts about 20-25 minutes. Brad can definitely give a more accurate account...he says that anytime I would cringe (which was a couple times- shockingly this procedure does not feel good!!!) Dr. Hines would instruct young doctor to hit me again...thank you.

They let us know that the lab had found 12 eggs in the follicles. 9 of which looked mature enough to proceed with ICSI (they inject a single sperm into a single egg).

Well, then the fun began. As we know from past experiences, I apparently like to stay anesthetized. The nurse and Dr. Hines were explaining to us, Brad really, what would happen next and I would occasionally get my wits about me and ask an educated question- none of which I was able to stay tuned in for the answer...then they left and Betsy, our nurse, kept checking in until I was fully awake. This would take a normal person about 30 minutes on the amount of anesthesia I was given. It took me almost 2 hours.

11:00 a.m.: I tried to get up at which point I turned white, felt like I was going to throw up and my legs were on fire. There were suddenly 7 people back in my room- stabbing me with another IV, putting cold rags on me, etc... They gave me some fluids and I stayed a little while longer. Take 2 didn't go much better so Vicki, another nurse, gave me some Triscuits. Third time was a charm but I did have to ride in a wheelchair (over several uncomfortable bumps in the halls- careful, watch the ovaries!)

We got home, Brad fed me and I slept until almost 4. It was uncomfortable to walk around and I was having trouble peeing (voiding if you need a pretty word) (you people and your pretty ways of saying things!) Called nurse- she said everything's just a a little swollen and enlarged so it's nothing to worry about. Oh and I can take TYLENOL for pain- wow, how generous of you!!!!! I might as well swallow a Tic Tac for pain- hasn't anyone noticed that Tylenol doesn't do ANYTHING?!

So now I am chugging G2 (low calorie gatorade) for dehydration and cringing every time I have to go to the bathroom!

Slept great last night once I figured out how to lay on my side in comfort... woke this morning to Brad screaming "Bridge, it's the call!!!!!" and running toward our room (dressed in a suit- it was a sight) It turned out to be Betsy checking on us which I thought was nice but Brad said they shouldn't do when people are waiting on "the call of their lives" (this has turned Brad into quite the drama queen).

Anyway, the man was cleaning frantically and I suggested that maybe he should go to work. No- wanted to wait on the call. Then we put a cap on how long he would wait. When his time was up he asked if I would call him with the news?! I might. ;)

They called about 10 minutes after he left- it was Vicki and she said of the 9 eggs they injected 8 fertilized which is GREAT! So over the next few days, they will be watching these 8 to see if they continue to grow. We'll get updates every day so I will, of course, keep you posted. Please start praying for these 8 fertilized eggs to start growing into embryos.

Will start progesterone shots tonight.

I'm Triggered!

Here we go...the countdown to retrieval has started!

Got my trigger shot in the upper outer quadrant of my rear end promptly at 7:30 p.m. (Thank you, Sharon Brown!) It didn't hurt a bit! It's funny to think of all the medical procedures that have taken place in my kitchen over the past month or so... I don't know who's been doctored more- me or Rudder... I think I may have passed him by now!

Anyway, for 36 hours I don't have to get a shot! Yippee! I do still have to go to acupuncture in the morning for a rescheduled appointment of my last session so I guess a day without needles was just not in the cards!!!

Everyone pray hard...retrieval is big!!! Kinda cool to think our baby may be getting a little sneak peek of the world (just a lab, but still) before he/she gets settled in my comfy uterus (with some nicely lined walls, thank you very much...) We are on track and I am so thankful for how smoothly this has been up to this point.

Thanks to everyone who has been praying, reading the blog, giving me shots and just loving us through this time. You have helped make a wild ride much more tolerable for us! Keep up the prayers...

What is a trigger shot?

HCG "trigger" shot = injection of a medication called HCG, which causes the eggs to complete the maturation process. This is taken only once in the cycle. Release of the eggs should occur about 36-46 hours after the shot.

We will do this at EXACTLY 7:30 p.m. tonight for our retrieval on Wednesday at 8:00 a.m.

GRADE A Extra Large Eggs!

They say "misery loves company" and I say when it comes to IVF, company causes misery! Trust me on this one, having 22 follicles of various sizes living in your ovaries is NOT comfortable!

Yes, the doctor measured 22 follicles this morning! They are all at different levels of maturity- some are very tiny and some are ready to go! To be exact we have 5 that are considered fully mature. There are 4 more that are very close to being fully mature so the doctor has recommended going one more day on the Follistim. No matter what size they are, they will be retrieving all of them- you never know who may grow! (We are calling the little guys the runts...)

So our schedule is as follows:

Tonight: Follistim & Lupron as usual

Monday morning: Lupron
Monday @ exactly 7:30 p.m.: hcG trigger shot (to start the release)

Tuesday: NO SHOTS!!! YIPPEE!

Wednesday: 8 am Retrieval


Out of curiosity I asked the doctor how many follicles on average they retrieve from their patients. He said it depends on the age of the patient, but that an average would be 12. So, I feel good that we are above average (for once!)

Anyway, I am bloated to the max and having to watch for dangerous signs of hyperstimulation at this point- we are pushing it to the limit! They have recommended drinking Gatorade and watching for reduced urination and sudden weight gain.


SIDE EFFECT REPORT:

FATIGUE- I am amazingly tired! I have been sleeping like I'm in a coma! I feel asleep at 5:30 on Friday evening- woke up for a few hours to get my shots and eat and then slept until 1 on Saturday afternoon! Today, I slept from 1:30-5:30 and I still feel like I could go to bed early! I did ask the nurse about it and she said this is very normal as a side effect for Follistim.

BRUISING- No 2 piece for me! My tummy is scary! I sent a few of you my glamour shot...Brad thinks it's too gross to post, but I might anyway! It's unbelievable! One night I actually saw it starting to bruise as soon as I finished the shot!!! WEIRD! Glad I'm almost finished with tummy shots- I'm running out of places to poke!


ACUPUNCTURE
Tomorrow is my last session and I am thankful! It's been an interesting experience and for some reason I think it has helped! At least it's made me feel like I am doing something extra to help in this crazy process...


So, I'll keep you posted...

Egg-cellent!

Ultrasound this morning- looking good, ovaries! Right ovary has 6 large (almost mature) follicles and little leftie had 8 big ones! Take that, Octo-mom!

Reagan and Brad came with me to my ultrasound and got to view the "pre-babies." It was really cool to look at those little black spots on the screen and wonder if we were looking at the early beginnings of our baby (or babies). Again I will say, having a baby is a MIRACLE! (I will pause here so you can all go hug your baby or rub your preggers bellies...;)

Several of them were nearing maturation, but the goal is to get as many as possible at the time of retrieval. So, we will check back with an ultrasound and more blood work on Sunday morning. My blood work today showed that I had reached 762. I have no idea what this means but they said it was good and everything was right on track.

Now before you run out and buy us 14 onesies (Take that, John & Kate Plus 8!) let me explain the future of these amazing little follicles...We are thinking that on Tuesday or Wednesday retrieval will occur. This is the big step. A little scary, probably quite uncomfortable but VERY important. They will remove all of the mature follicles. They then go to the lab and get mixed with daddy's contribution (nicest way to say this i think?!) and then we watch. For 5 days we bite our fingernails and get daily reports on who fertilizes, who is growing, etc...

NOT all of them will fertilize and not all will thrive. Of those that do, we will transfer only 2. Ethical standards allow up to 3 to be transferred at a time, but our doctor will only transfer 2 since I am young and healthy. (Other fertilized embryos will be frozen for future transfers.) He reminded us that the best case scenario is for 1 to implant- we're going for a "singleton" because medical complications occur more frequently with multiples...

So- that's where we are- I'll let you know how we look on Sunday...they will tell us then the day of the retrieval...


OH- I have had one brave soul (finally) give me a shot! Go LEXY! She really liked it but I think she wished it was a bigger dosage so it would last longer! So, who's next?

Quick Update!

Bloodwork (to measure estrogen) from this morning came back as 176 which is great- right on track...any higher than 200 and they would have adjusted the meds, but she said we are staying with it for now! We'll check again on Friday and also take a peek at my ovaries by ultrasound...I am fully expecting to see little factories just churning away! They are throbbing so something's going on in there!!!

Acupuncture was the worst ever today- too many needles in my spine!!! I was about to jump off of the table. I screamed more than once to which I received no response! (I actually imagined her smiling and continuing to poke!) Oh well- 2 more sessions!

That's all for now- stay tuned to the continuing saga...

Platinum Injections & Dermatological Drama

I have now given myself 3 Follistim shots! I needed a few days to recover from the first one before I posted about it...That little bugger burns! For some reason (I think it's all the bruises), I couldn't find a spot that didn't hurt on Friday night. Both the Lupron shot (I'm reduced to 5 units now) and the Follistim shot really hurt and bled a bit. It was frustrating because I was getting so comfortable with my shots and then OUCH! (Brad said I just didn't "commit"- can I give him a shot?! JK;)) (No really, can I?)

It was fine tonight- I'm just working around the bruises and running out of space! I might have to switch to shots in my leg- I'm going to ask nurse about it when I go in on Tuesday for bloodwork...

The Follistim shot is interesting. I use this fancy pen that calculates my dosage by turning a dial. I have to change out the needle every use and the pen holds the cartridges (that cost more than a Kia). We get 2 doses out of each cartridge and then there's a little left that my doctor's office will combine for us to get an additional dose... Brad read the directions VERY carefully on the first time and I'm so glad he did- the funniest part was when you have to turn the dial to check and make sure the drug is flowing out of the needle (and not air). You have to wait for a droplet to come out. I thought Brad was going to faint as a couple of drops squirted out...I could imagine him thinking..."That was $60 worth of medicine!!!" Instead he just said- "OK, that's good."

Anyway, my only beef with the pen is that you don't just press the meds in- you kinda have to turn the dial and it clicks with each increment. It's a little uncomfortable to hold the pen, pinch fat and spin a dial. I can feel the needle moving around a little as I am clicking- odd sensation. Then just when I am ready to pull the needle out and stick it back in the fridge I have to hold it there for 5 seconds to make sure I get the full dose. Brad is the 5 second Nazi- he doesn't want me wasting a bit of the "liquid platinum" so we one-Mississippi, two-Mississippi, etc. together.


SIDE EFFECT REPORT:

My face looks like the BEFORE picture on Pro Activ commercial. (BTW, I don't feel sorry for you and your acne prone skin, Jessica Simpson. You look better with acne than most of us can ever aspire to!) I'm trying to be a sport about it and just load on the make-up, but I'm running out of tricks (and make-up, come to think of it). Seriously, wasn't gonna let it keep me down but I have been talking to 2 different people and I could see them looking at the big monster on my chin...yea, I saw you look, I know it's gross, I don't like it either, and yes, it does have a lot of make-up on it.

Hot Flash! This morning I blow dried (?), blew dried (?), I used a hair drying device to remove the dampness from my hair and I literally sweated (?) (I think I might need to go back to 4th grade English) (maybe poor grammar is an unknown side effect- I'm writing the company!) (where was I?) (oh yea, sweating...) my make-up off- all of it- even the zit cover up...mascara was dripping down my face and I could feel the sweat dripping down my back. I had to put my freshly dried hair in a ponytail and then I chugged a glass of Crystal Light (the kind that supposedly helps your skin! How sad is this?!) Hot flashes are weird (Can I get an amen from some menopausal sisters?!) They burn from the inside. You cannot get cool. Fans don't help. Crystal Light doesn't help. You just gotta feel the burn and, apparently, sweat.

Headaches: These have not been bad or long-lasting. Just starting to notice them a little. I was having quick little "jolts" of headaches on the way to church- I told Brad they were probably just little mini-aneurysms- he is so desensitized to my drama he just agreed and kept driving...

So that's about it from IVF-land...gonna be a little busier with bloodwork and another ultrasound this week- will keep you all posted. Thanks for reading and most of all, thank you for your prayers and support (and if you can swing it, NOT looking at my zits.)

Good Report!

Baseline ultrasound was great! The lining in my uterus was very thin (which is what we want to start the cycle...) and I had more than 6 preantral follicles (basically the early beginnings of follicles) in each ovary. She stopped counting on 8 on the right and the left had at least 6. She said that 4 is considered good- so for once I did GREAT! Go ovaries!

Robin, the sonographer, and I were joking about how my right ovary always makes plenty of follicles-which is just not productive since I don't have a tube on that side. She said "We're coming to getcha!" So, they can run but they can't hide!

We are, when we start Follistim tomorrow, trying to get each of these "baby" follicles to stimulate so we can retrieve some eggs and fertilize!

Here's a little about follicles...

"A woman's eggs develop inside fluid-filled sacs inside the ovaries called follicles. During a natural menstrual cycle in which no fertility drugs are taken, several follicles begin to enlarge around the time when the woman is having her period.

However, over the course of the next few weeks, only one of these follicles develops to maturity, ruptures, and releases its egg during the process of ovulation. The other follicles that had begun to develop stop growing and degenerate (dissolve), therefore, only a small percentage of eggs present in the ovaries are ever ovulated during the woman's reproductive life span. We can "rescue" follicles and eggs that would otherwise degenerate by giving shots of fertility drugs which contain FSH (follicle stimulating hormone---Follistim). This is the same hormone that the pituitary gland produces to cause one egg to develop. By increasing the woman's blood level of FSH, several follicles may grow at approximately the same rate allowing us to collect more than one mature egg."


Here's what we'll do to those little follicles at retrieval...

"A sterile vaginal ultrasound probe is used to guide a needle through the vaginal wall and into the follicle of the ovary. While long, the needle is not much wider than a needle used to draw blood from a vein in the arm.

Once the needle is inside the follicle, suction is created which pulls the egg and the fluid through the needle and into a collection tube. When one follicle is drained, the needle is gently repositioned to collect fluid from each adjacent follicle. This is done for both ovaries. The follicular fluid is given to the embryologist, who examines it under a microscope to find the eggs."


I know what you're thinking- "What an awesome procedure! What fun! Sign me up!"

Seriously though, isn't it amazing all that they know and can do?!?! And isn't it amazing that anyone gets pregnant!? It truly is a miracle!

Stay tuned...I start Follistim shots tomorrow night!!!

P.S. Dr. Payne stuck a needle in the top of my head today. I still can't figure out where she stuck it in- seriously, feel the tip top of your head- where would you stick a needle?! It's a mystery but it was there! I kept asking Kimeisha to take it out because I couldn't stop thinking about it! (She wouldn't.)

Morning at UMC

Ultrasound & acupuncture in the morning...I'm not really nervous, just kinda ready to get the show on the road!

I did start reading over the side effects and warnings of Follistim. Probably should have skipped that...especially the part where they can literally hyperstimulate me to death...scary. But, I do feel thankful/relieved that I am using a drug for its intended use! (At one time in this crazy journey I was taking drugs for both menopausal women with breast cancer and young boys with undescended testicles!) (Sorry, here's where the T.M.I. is in full effect!) I am always a little nervous when I start a new drug- it's kinda like "hmm, I wonder what will happen if I take this?" It's hard not to feel like a science experiment...

Anyway, the ultrasound tech said it will only take about 5 minutes in the morning, so I don't expect it to be very eventful- it just feels like the starting line! Plus, going to 2 shots per night will really make me feel productive (hopefully reproductive!!!) (Couldn't resist.)

Please pray for tolerable side effects, a good attitude and most of all for this to work!!! Go BABY!

DAY 13 and counting...

So this week things are going to start rolling! I am on Day 2 of this cycle (although with IVF this is less important than it usually is!) Baseline Ultrasound scheduled for Thursday- this will just be a little look at my uterus & ovaries to see if everything looks normal so we can start LOTS of drugs to make them highly abnormal!!! If everything looks good we'll start with Follistim on Friday (+ a reduced dose of Lupron= 2 shots a night? AWESOME!)

Follistim is apparently laced with platinum...Brad has been trying to find a "deal" which included flirting with the idea of purchasing fertility drugs off eBay. (Something seemed just a little off about this to me...although it was a good deal!) We are now the proud owners of 5 Follistim cartridges (it's in the fridge next to yogurt and some unidentifiable leftovers) and I can't wait to use my fancy shot pen...(I'll post a pic later...it's pretty cool) I am a little nervous about the hyper-stimulating and the thought of pumping lots of extra estrogen in my body is just plain frightening...everyone please pray for Brad.

Went to acupuncture today and Dr. Payne has warmed up! Last week she said "See you next time, my little lady!" But don't be fooled. She still likes to hurt me. Today, lying on my stomach (yuck) she was jabbing the needles into my spine and it was beyond uncomfortable. There is no feeling that compares- it's like the irky feeling of nails on a chalkboard but physically painful too. When I react (aaaggghhhh!) she replies "ooooh, that's a good one!" or "oooh, I got you!" And then she twists them around until the needle is "tickling" my nerve.

I will say the most uncomfortable needle of the day was also the most encouraging. She placed a needle on the inside of my left calf (which is near, I learned from a poster on the wall, the "conception line"). Before she places (and I use that term VERY loosely) the needles in my body, she applies pressure to the area...as soon as she pressed on my inner calf I had a steady cramp in my uterus. It subsided a little when she stopped pressing and then returned when she inserted (again, too gentle a word...) the needle. It was very strange to be able to feel the connection, but also very encouraging that this may actually be doing something!

I will admit, despite that bit of encouragement, I had a moment today that I thought "Wow, I must really want a baby!" So far I feel like I have just been doing what needs to be done and not thinking too hard about it, but as she was jabbing my spine with needles the reality hit me! I truly will try anything for this cause! We want to give this the best shot possible and I know that no matter the outcome, I will be able to look back and say- we did it all!

Will post after the ultrasound...

Bracing for Side Effects...

So I'm feeling pretty good. I started wondering if Lupron is doing anything (instead of just being grateful that I seem to be tolerating well!) I looked up side effects again and some of the info says that the side effects start a week to 2 weeks after your first shot so I'm getting ready. Right now my tummy is just spongy- seems like I'm retaining a lot of water.

I'm still doing well with shots. The person who is MOST impressed with my shot-giving skills is (by far)- myself! Every time I do one I am so proud!!! I just REALLY did not think I could do it! I keep asking Brad "Aren't you amazed that I did it?" "Aren't I doing good?" For those of you who received my video, you KNOW I'm proud-I mean I actually recorded it! Anyway, it's starting to be a normal part of my day, so I promise to quit bragging soon...

The only change I have noticed is bruising. A couple of bruises have appeared from acupuncture and my tummy is starting to look like someone has mistaken me for the Pillsbury Dough Boy and just kept poking me (hard) (love those crescent rolls!) I'm not giggling, but it's not so bad...

Acupuncture on Monday was fine- I had to lay on my stomach the whole time (which is a little uncomfortable) and I felt like I was lying there FOREVER! I just can't seem to relax! There is just something unnerving about knowing your back is covered in needles...Dr. P said that she is treating my uterus when I lay on my stomach- increasing blood flow, etc...Yea! She told me something!

I didn't get in trouble for anything this time and I tried the strategy of asking Kimeisha (the nurse) the questions...(I asked her what they call the "jumper cables" and she said that's exactly what they are---she also confirmed that the current is electricity...) Nancy has nicknamed Dr. Payne "Pokemon"- I think it's going to stick. (No pun intended...)

I'll go back to acupuncture on Thursday and will get to lay on my back then (we alternate) so I'm going to TRY to relax!

That's all for now! Thanks for reading and for being a part of this journey. Please keep praying!!!

My Date with Dr. Payne

I know, right? An acupuncturist named Dr. Payne...believe me, there is absolutely no irony to be found. (More info on Dr. Payne under acupuncture @ UMC)

So Friday was my first acupuncture appointment. I arrived and met the super sweet nurse named Kimeisha. She does the usual song and dance- weight, blood pressure, etc. then leads me to what looks like a normal room in a doctor's office. Well, combined with a massage room- table, pillow, roll pillow for your feet- all lovely and soothing--- until I spot tiny jumper cables hanging on the wall. Surely these are for more seasoned acupuncture patients...

Enter Dr. Payne. She is an attractive Korean woman who is NO DOUBT very intelligent- she is an acupuncturist, pediatrician and anestheisiologist (I can't even spell it). Anyway, to say she is blunt is beating around the bush. This woman is seriously to the point. "Don't put your purse there- put it here." "What is your goal? What are you going to do when IVF doesn't work?" "Needles hurt. When you hear people say acupuncture doesn't feel like needles, it's not true- it will feel like needles sticking you."

Wow- I am so glad I came!

No really, the whole time I am completely amused (and abused) but thinking, can't wait to blog about this...

So, I get my tough love and then it's time for the first session...but not before I ask a question that I feel a patient experimenting with ancient Chinese alternative medicine should be able to ask (especially when insurance is not covering a lick of it...)

"Why does this work?" (Not DOES this work, mind you (I want to believe) but WHY.)

At first she gives me information that I have read- increased blood flow, stress relief, etc. Then she turns...She asks me why I take all these drugs and not question those and why do people think that they can damage their bodies for years and then expect acupuncture to fix it all, etc, etc....by the time she finished I had almost forgotten the question and most certainly regretted whatever it was...

So onto the table...

I lay on the table with my shirt pulled up and my jeans rolled up like a floods a-comin'. She just starts pushing needles in- she says that she will NOT be explaining every little thing she is doing because acupuncture is not like western medicine where you get the play by play on what your doctor is doing to your body...I can live with this. I am just trying not to think about it any way.

Needles go in my hands, arms, legs and feet- just a tiny prick going in and then they don't hurt but you are just very aware that they are there. She does warn me that some may hurt and I ask (why do I keep asking things? have I not learned my lesson yet?) "Should I tell you if it is painful?" Her response to this is "Yes, but I will just tell you that it is supposed to hurt. I want to make you feel this." Great, carry on...

So one goes in my hand, perhaps a little deeper than the previous needles, so I say "oooh- I feel that one!" and wiggle my fingers ever so slightly. Dr. P: "Do not move. If you do, you will be saying that it hurts and I will say I told you so."

Oh, the compassion.

So, all needles in, Chinese music playing in the background, Kimeisha returns. And then the jumper cables...while my knowledge of acupuncture is limited to say the least, I had NO idea about these...They connected my left foot to right arm, right foot to left arm and then turned on the current. Kimeisha instructs me to tell her when I feel "pain, throbbing or discomfort." Looking forward to it.

At this point I am imagining myself receiving electroshock therapy thrashing about on the table- I am going to tell her the second I feel ANYTHING. I tell her- there, I think I feel it. She says no and cranks up the dial. Then I feel it. It's like someone is tapping on your skin very quickly and the locations of the needles. Kinda weird but not uncomfortable.

She gets all the jumper cables thumping then turns out the light, cranks up the Chinese Muzak and shines a red light on my feet. (I'm confused on the significance here, but no longer permitting myself to ask questions.) I laid there for about 10-15 minutes during which I finally convinced myself that I should indeed look at the needles sticking in me. Wow- what a view... the needles in my tummy were the most disturbing. Especially where she had circled my right ovary area (which I had told her was my dominant ovary). All I could think of was that I was the human voodoo doll and we were casting a spell on that overworked little ovary...

So we repeated this whole thing while I laid on my stomach with needles along my spine and in the base of my skull. My head felt like it weighed 100 pounds and about halfway through my "relaxation" I completely lost my breath so it was doing something!

Afterwards my body felt fatigued but I have no pin holes!

I will repeat this on Tuesdays and Thursdays for the next few weeks leading up to our retrieval. I'm sure more stories are to come of this interesting experience, but I really do feel it's worth a try. Dr. Payne told me that the IVF clinic in Denver (which boasts upwards of a 78% success rate) requires acupuncture for all of their IVF patients. We want to give this the best shot we can, so I think it's worth the abuse! Plus, what great stories...